my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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