I'm jealous of your bromance
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
