First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
