did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
