I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
