So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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