I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
