I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
