I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
