I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
