everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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