dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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