I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
