That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just found puke in my bra..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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