I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
