Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
