So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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