and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
