I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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