he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
