Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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