god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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