He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
