So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
