i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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