Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
