i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
