you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
