You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
