She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
