I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
