I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
