and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
