addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
