you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
