In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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