Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
