If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
