Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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