I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
