i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
