Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
