You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry about my life...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
