Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
