I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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