I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
