oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
