Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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