Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
