i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
