I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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