How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
