Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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