i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
