I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
