OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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