New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Randomize
