My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
