Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
