Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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