No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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