I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
