TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You're like the curious george of whores
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
