Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
