I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize